One Down, More to Go

I have a problem with money and I am not afraid to admit it. I also have a problem with facing reality sometimes. That is a huge reason why I got myself in such a mess with debt. Anyway, I'm not going to go into much detail but I did have one debt that was going to the courts and I do not have the $5oo an hour it costs and all the other fees they were telling me I had to come up with. They offered to cut the whole thing and half if I could but down a nice lump sum. Thankfully financial aid just came I was able to call them and give them a few hundred and then the plan is to call every week and pay $100 until it is paid off. Which will take about a month. For those of you that don't have problems with money, I really don't think you could understand that the way I feel today. It is almost a bittersweet thing. I love to look into my account and see money. I feel better about myself when I know I have money. The reality of it is that I had to do this even though I was trying to think of ways out of it. The woman I worked with was nice but gave me a slap in the face for running from them. It hurt. I was embrassed she called me out. It worked though. I gave her the check number over the phone and before she hung up she told me congratulations. I cried. Congratulations on getting a grip and realizing what needs to be done. I have ran long enough and found ways to hide, but it only causes me more stress and agony. This is such a small step but it felt like I took a leap today. My mom gave me encouraging words and explained that once I get the ball rolling on this I will feel 10 times better. I got the ball rolling today and she was right, I feel good. This is just one step so I know there are many obstacles to come.

Trying to See the Bright Side

I feel like I am on a teeter totter, going up and down, up and down.
No I am not depressed, just feeling so high one moment on life and the next not so high.
The littlest things make me happy, but what also comes with that is the littlest things bring me down.
Rob pointed out to me the last few days that I am pessimistic, naturally I defended myself, but then I realized he was probably right. He is the one looking from the outside. Even my title for my blog 'glass half full', boy I feel like a hypocrite!
I was sitting in math class today when I think I pin-pointed one reason why I meant be this so called pessimistic:

I don't like to be set up for disappointment.

I am not trying to pull a poor Megan, it is just that I have been let down so much I have somewhat of a guard up. It could be the simplest thing that lets me down. So I just figure it won't work out or happen, that way when it doesn't...I am not disappointed. Makes sense right?
But wow that is a negative attitude. It is even really showing in my relationship with Rob.
I doubt that he really loves me for me sometimes, that he could actually love my body, or even my personality. I think it roots from my low self esteem. But with that issue aside, I really need to fix this. I can really push people away that I love. What fun am I really to be around when I am like that? I always wanted to be that person who everyone wanted to be around. The go-to girl.

I can not promise myself or anybody else that I will not be negative about things, I think it is somewhat in my genes if that is possible. I can promise though, that I will try my best to not throw out a negative comment the instead I think of it, try to think more positive and see the brighter side of things.

Welcoming Myself.

Hey guys! I am just going to write a short blog to get started.

I recently have decided it's time to shed some poundage. I have decided it's time to have more confidence in myself, and also to look at life with a more positive attitude.

A few of my friends have their own blog and have encouraged me to write so here I am.

I am not a very creative writer like my sister and mom, but bear with me!



I am looking forward to this term. I have never been a great student but I am so ready to give more. The health care field is where my heart is so I am happy to finally know that I am atleast on the right path, maybe not the exact job I want (certified medical assistant) but it is getting my foot in the door for possibly becoming a nurse.

So here is my first post and I am sure there will be plenty more to follow. :D