I feel like I am on a teeter totter, going up and down, up and down.
No I am not depressed, just feeling so high one moment on life and the next not so high.
The littlest things make me happy, but what also comes with that is the littlest things bring me down.
Rob pointed out to me the last few days that I am pessimistic, naturally I defended myself, but then I realized he was probably right. He is the one looking from the outside. Even my title for my blog 'glass half full', boy I feel like a hypocrite!
I was sitting in math class today when I think I pin-pointed one reason why I meant be this so called pessimistic:
I don't like to be set up for disappointment.
I am not trying to pull a poor Megan, it is just that I have been let down so much I have somewhat of a guard up. It could be the simplest thing that lets me down. So I just figure it won't work out or happen, that way when it doesn't...I am not disappointed. Makes sense right?
But wow that is a negative attitude. It is even really showing in my relationship with Rob.
I doubt that he really loves me for me sometimes, that he could actually love my body, or even my personality. I think it roots from my low self esteem. But with that issue aside, I really need to fix this. I can really push people away that I love. What fun am I really to be around when I am like that? I always wanted to be that person who everyone wanted to be around. The go-to girl.
I can not promise myself or anybody else that I will not be negative about things, I think it is somewhat in my genes if that is possible. I can promise though, that I will try my best to not throw out a negative comment the instead I think of it, try to think more positive and see the brighter side of things.
No I am not depressed, just feeling so high one moment on life and the next not so high.
The littlest things make me happy, but what also comes with that is the littlest things bring me down.
Rob pointed out to me the last few days that I am pessimistic, naturally I defended myself, but then I realized he was probably right. He is the one looking from the outside. Even my title for my blog 'glass half full', boy I feel like a hypocrite!
I was sitting in math class today when I think I pin-pointed one reason why I meant be this so called pessimistic:
I don't like to be set up for disappointment.
I am not trying to pull a poor Megan, it is just that I have been let down so much I have somewhat of a guard up. It could be the simplest thing that lets me down. So I just figure it won't work out or happen, that way when it doesn't...I am not disappointed. Makes sense right?
But wow that is a negative attitude. It is even really showing in my relationship with Rob.
I doubt that he really loves me for me sometimes, that he could actually love my body, or even my personality. I think it roots from my low self esteem. But with that issue aside, I really need to fix this. I can really push people away that I love. What fun am I really to be around when I am like that? I always wanted to be that person who everyone wanted to be around. The go-to girl.
I can not promise myself or anybody else that I will not be negative about things, I think it is somewhat in my genes if that is possible. I can promise though, that I will try my best to not throw out a negative comment the instead I think of it, try to think more positive and see the brighter side of things.
Hey girl I'm glad to see that you've started this blog. I know that mine has helpped me out alot. It helps to get things off your chest and no longer dwell on them.....this way you don't turn to food....which I do a lot (somthing I deal with everyday)
ReplyDeleteGood job!
Love you
By the way at least it's not titled "Glass half empty" lol
ReplyDeleteTrue true!
ReplyDeleteMegan, I love your honesty. I love that you are real. I know what it's like to feel like your kind of on a rollercoaster, I have been there! And to feel what it's like to be gaurded so you don't get hurt. In some ways it is a good thing to gaurd though, not a bad thing. Your heart is a treasure, and is not something that should be given to just anyone, or put towards just anything.
ReplyDeleteI just want to encourage you...even though we want to hide hope away because we don't want to be disappointed, to let yourself have the courage to hope in the face of fear. I believe that your hopes, and the desires of your heart, will come to you. Keep it up girl, it is always better to look on the bright side vs the dark. If you get a chance, read the quote at the top of my blog. It's perfect for you!
:) Sheri
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes it is the tree of life" Proverbs 13:12